Navigating the Holidays With Stage 4 Cancer
Navigating the Holidays With Stage 4 Cancer – Finding Peace & Hope
The holiday season is often described as joyful, busy, bright, and full of celebrations. But for those living with stage 4 cancer, this time of year can feel very different. Between medical appointments, treatment side effects, emotional fatigue, and the pressure to “be cheerful,” the holidays may bring a mix of hope, sadness, gratitude, and uncertainty.
If you’re navigating this season while managing stage 4 cancer, or supporting someone who is, here are a few gentle reminders and practical ways to make space for what matters most.
1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel
The holidays can intensify emotions. You may feel joy, grief, gratitude, fear, or even all of them in the same day. This is normal.
You do not need to force holiday cheer or pretend that everything is fine. Allow yourself to feel what arises—without judgment. Your emotional experience is valid, and honoring it is an important part of caring for yourself.
2. Set Realistic Expectations
Traditions may look different this year, and that’s okay.
You don’t have to host large gatherings, attend every event, or keep up with holiday tasks if they leave you exhausted. Simplifying plans can actually create more meaningful moments with the people who matter most.
Consider options such as:
- Smaller or shorter gatherings
- Delegating holiday cooking or decorating
- Choosing experiences over expectations
- Letting loved ones know your limits ahead of time
Your energy is precious. Protect it gently.
3. Create New Traditions That Bring Comfort
If old traditions feel overwhelming or bittersweet, it may help to introduce new ones that honor where you are now.
Some ideas include:
- A quiet Christmas morning walk
- Lighting a candle for peace or remembrance
- Watching a favorite holiday movie
- Writing gratitude notes
- Sharing simple moments with family at home
New traditions are not a replacement for old ones—they’re an invitation to be present in the season as it is.
4. Let People Help You (Even If It Feels Hard)
The people who love you want to support you. Allowing them to help—with meals, errands, decorating, or simply keeping you company—can bring comfort to both sides.
If you’re not sure what to ask for, consider saying:
“I don’t know what I need right now, but I could use company.”
“Could you help with ___ this week?”
“I’d love it if you could check in by text every few days.”
Community matters, especially during the holidays.
5. Make Space for Rest and Reflection
The holidays can move fast, even when your body needs to move slowly. Make room for rest, stillness, and moments that bring you grounding.
You may find encouragement in:
- Gentle breathing
- Prayer or meditation
- Listening to peaceful holiday music
- Journaling your hopes for the season
These simple practices can help bring peace in a season that often feels rushed.
A Gentle Space for Hope This Holiday Season
If you’re looking for a supportive place to pause, breathe, and find meaning this Christmas season, we invite you to join us for our upcoming virtual retreat:
Strength for the Journey — Free Virtual Event
December 5, 2025 | 12–1:30 PM EST
Led by:
- Dr. Sharon May, Ph.D., LMFT — internationally recognized therapist & author
- Dr. Sylvia Fredj, MCC, NBC-HWC — nationally board-certified health & wellness coach
This month’s theme, “Merry Christmas,” offers compassionate space for those walking through stage 4 cancer. Together, we will reflect, connect, and rediscover joy during a season often overshadowed by treatment, appointments, and uncertainty.
You do not have to carry the holidays alone. Learn more about our upcoming virtual support.
6. Hold Onto Hope—Even in Small Moments
Hope doesn’t always look big or loud. Sometimes it looks like:
- A quiet morning without pain
- Laughter with someone you love
- A warm blanket and a favorite book
- Light catching the edge of a Christmas ornament
These small moments matter. They can be reminders that beauty and meaning are still present, even in difficult seasons.
You Are Not Alone This Holiday Season
Navigating the holidays with stage 4 cancer is complex, emotional, and deeply personal. Whether this season brings joy, heaviness, or a mix of both, know that your feelings matter and your journey is honored.
If you need connection, encouragement, or a compassionate community, we welcome you to join us at Strength for the Journey on December 5.
Given 2 Years, Living 13 Strong
Living 13 Years Strong: Debbie’s Stage 4 Lung Cancer Journey of Hope and Persistence
When Debbie was first diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, doctors told her she might only have one to two years left. Like many patients, she felt overwhelmed and afraid. But instead of giving up, she sought a second opinion and learned that her cancer carried the BRAF mutation. This discovery opened the door to targeted therapy through a clinical trial—something that gave her options beyond traditional chemotherapy and radiation.
Over the last 13 years, Debbie has faced many treatments, side effects, and setbacks, but also many breaks from therapy where she could live life more fully. She has outlived the predictions and now encourages other patients to stay hopeful, ask questions, and keep pushing for answers. Debbie’s story shows how advances in biomarker testing and targeted therapy can turn what once felt like an “end date” into years filled with milestones and new memories.
Her journey reminds us that no one is defined by statistics. For patients with advanced lung cancer, Debbie is living proof that hope, persistence, and medical progress can lead to more time and better quality of life. (Source: GO2 for Lung Cancer)
Hiking Through Stage 4 Cancer
Hiking Through Stage 4 Lung Cancer: Gerri’s Story of Strength and Hope
When Gerri was first told she had stage 4 lung cancer with an EGFR mutation, it felt like her world had flipped upside down. An active athlete and tennis pro, she never expected such a diagnosis. But instead of giving in to fear, she chose a path of strength and hope—continuing to hike, kayak, ski, and travel the world with her husband by her side. Just weeks after starting targeted therapy, she hiked 90 miles in Patagonia, a trip she once thought might never happen.
With the support of her family, her oncologist, and a caring social worker, Gerri has embraced both treatment and life’s adventures. She quilts for others, practices qigong, and continues to cross items off her bucket list—now on her second one. For her, lung cancer is only part of the story, not the definition of who she is. Her message to others is clear: keep moving, keep dreaming, and make plans for joy. “Control what you can,” she says, “and live fully with what you’ve been given.” (Source: Gerri Allen, Lung Cancer Survivor Blog)
Living Fully: Joanne’s Cancer Journey
Living Fully with Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer: Joanne’s Story of Hope and Healing
When Joanne was diagnosed with non-small cell lung cancer in 2021, she couldn’t help but ask the same question many patients face: “Why me?” She had lived a healthy lifestyle, exercised, and avoided processed foods, yet found herself retracing her past for answers—secondhand smoke in childhood, brief years of social smoking, exposure to environmental toxins, stress, or perhaps random chance. Her pathology revealed an EGFR mutation, a genetic change often seen in people with little or no smoking history, which allowed her to begin targeted therapy after surgery and chemotherapy.
Over time, Joanne realized that focusing on blame only robs her of peace. Instead, she has chosen to center her life around gratitude, faith, and the love of her husband and community. With new advances in treatment, she believes lung cancer should no longer be viewed as an automatic death sentence or a punishment tied to smoking. Through sharing her story, Joanne hopes to break the stigma, reminding us that compassion and understanding—not judgment—are what every patient deserves. (Source: Joanne Gaget Blog)
Riding Through Cancer: Christy’s Story
Riding My Harley Through Cancer: Christy’s Stage 4 Lung Cancer Story
When Christy Erickson was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer at just 41, she feared she wouldn’t see her children grow up. But after months of unanswered questions and second opinions, genetic testing revealed her tumor carried an EGFR mutation—opening the door to a targeted therapy called osimertinib. This treatment, born from years of research, gave her what once seemed impossible: more time with her family and the chance to live fully, not just survive.
Christy has faced her journey with courage, faith, and determination. She’s checked off bucket-list dreams, from riding her own Harley to competing in strongman events, and she shares her story to encourage others to advocate for themselves. “Osimertinib gave me time,” she says—time to see her daughter graduate, time to rediscover joy, and time to inspire other patients that even after a stage IV diagnosis, hope and healing are possible. (Source: Winship Cancer Institute of Emory University)
Karen’s Fight, Eight Years and Counting
When Karen was first diagnosed with lung cancer at age 47, it came as a complete shock. A healthy, never-smoker with no family history, she suddenly found herself facing surgery to remove part of her lung and rounds of chemotherapy. For eight years her scans were clear—until the cancer returned in her ribs. Now living with stage 4 lung cancer, she is facing this new challenge with the same determination she had at the very beginning.
What gives Karen strength is the progress that’s been made in lung cancer research. Eight years ago, her mutation wasn’t even identifiable. Today, doctors not only know what it is, but there are already FDA-approved treatments available. Karen continues to live life fully—biking, traveling, taking classes—and believes every patient deserves to feel this hopeful. Her story is a powerful reminder that advances in treatment are giving people more options, more time, and more hope than ever before. (Source: Karen V. Blog)
Veteran Speaks Out to Save Others
Xavier Sanders spent 14 years proudly serving in the U.S. Air Force. But in 2022, his life changed when doctors discovered stage 4 lung cancer—despite never smoking. The cancer had already spread to his liver and brain. Now, Xavier is using his voice to speak out about the urgent need for earlier detection, better support, and more awareness—especially for service members exposed to burn pits and toxic chemicals during deployment.
He’s not just fighting for himself. Xavier is advocating for younger airmen who may not know what symptoms to watch for or how to get the right care. His wife, Chelsea, has become his strongest advocate—reminding others that “mental toughness” can sometimes hide real suffering. Together, they’re pushing for change in how military members with cancer are seen, heard, and supported.
Now a passionate advocate, Xavier is using his story and his brand, Trillionaires Only, to inspire others to fight with authenticity, courage, and hope. “Every day is a new day to fight,” he says. “We can’t afford to stay quiet.” (Source: Xavier’s Story, March 2024)
The Power of Friendship When Facing Cancer
When you’re walking through something as overwhelming as cancer, one of the most powerful lifelines you can hold onto is this: you don’t have to walk it alone.
I’m Dr. Sharon May with Stage4Hope, and I want to share two important truths backed by research—and rooted in real-life experience—that can bring you comfort and strength:
- Good friends truly matter.
- A positive mindset can make all the difference.
We already know that going through something difficult with a friend by your side makes it easier. But science now confirms this truth in a profound way. In Dr. James Coan’s research, people were given mild electric shocks—yes, you read that right!—but when they held the hand of someone they deeply cared about, the stress response in their brain significantly decreased. The pain was more bearable simply because someone they loved was there.
That’s the power of presence.
Another powerful study published in Psycho-oncology (2010) followed cancer survivors for eight years. They found that those who received meaningful emotional support just three months after their diagnosis experienced post-traumatic growth—they were better emotionally, mentally, and spiritually years later. Support doesn’t just help in the moment—it shapes how you move through your cancer journey and who you become on the other side.
So what does this mean for you?
It means you need people. And they need you, too.
Here are a few thoughts I hope will encourage you:
- Reach out to two or three friends. Keep those friendships going. Be intentional. Let the conversation be mutual—yes, talk about your cancer journey, but also listen your friend’s everyday stories. Friendship flows both ways.
- Join a group. If you didn’t have many close connections at the start of your journey, it’s never too late. A support group creates a place to belong, to connect, and to share with people who understand. You can also begin by joining one of our virtual women’s retreats. With gentle teaching and encouraging community you will find friendship and strength for your journey.
- Teach your friends how to walk this road with you. It’s okay to tell them what’s helpful and what’s not. Sometimes they won’t know what to say—help them out. You’ll learn together.
- Teach your family how to be there with you. This journey is difficult for both you and your family. Your family will go between grief for you and grief for themselves. Which means your spouse or children will, at times, struggle with their own emotions of fears, anger, depression, loss and grief. And for certain your family will not always say the most comforting things nor be there the way you hope. They will probably disappoint you leaving you hurt and maybe alone. Families are complicated, but now is the time to let go of resentment and small irritations. Make an effort to be there for each other, one struggle at a time, one day at a time. If it gets too complicated, reach out for professional help from a counselor or relationship coach.
- Keep being you. Cancer may be part of your story right now, but it is not the whole story. You are still you—funny, strong, sensitive, quirky, wise. Hold onto your identity and let it shine in your relationships.
- Stay connected to your world. You still have a family, a neighborhood, hobbies and routines. Keep participating in what makes life rich and meaningful. You have so much to give—and receive.
- Don’t isolate. This is the hardest part for some. But I gently encourage you: risk reaching out. Let someone be there for you. Hold someone’s hand—literally or figuratively. It truly makes a difference.
I’m cheering you on, friend. You are not alone. And here at Stage4Hope, we’re walking alongside you every step of the way.
If you’re looking for connection, encouragement, and growth, I invite you to join our upcoming women’s virtual retreat. It’s a time to rest, be renewed, and find community with other brave women walking their own journeys.
Reach out—we’d love to hear from you.
Author- Dr. Sharon May
The Importance of Social Support and Being Positive When Facing Cancer
- (2010, January 19). Type of social support matters for prediction of post-traumatic growth among cancer survivors.
- Coan, J.A., Schaefer, H.S., & Davidson, R.J. (2006). Lending a hand: Social regulation of the neural response to threat. Psychological Science.
Genetics Study Brings Lung Cancer Hope
A powerful new genetics study is offering fresh hope in the fight against lung cancer — especially for patients with rare mutations and those who’ve never smoked. The Lung Cancer Genetics Study, launched in 2024 by 23andMe and supported by nearly two dozen patient advocacy groups, is collecting genetic and clinical data from thousands of lung cancer patients to help uncover what drives this complex disease. It’s one of the first efforts of its kind to truly center patient voices from the beginning, ensuring that research reflects real-world experiences.
The project began with a friendship between two women living with lung cancer, Ilana Stromberg and Susan Troper Wojcicki, both mothers of five and determined to make a difference. Motivated by the lack of research and funding for lung cancer, especially RET-positive and other biomarker-driven subtypes, they envisioned a national lung cancer registry that could drive discoveries and lead to better, more personalized treatments. Susan’s passing in 2024 makes the study even more meaningful to those involved. Her legacy lives on through this groundbreaking initiative, which is expected to accelerate research and give families facing lung cancer a renewed sense of hope. (Source: 23andMe Blog)
Emotional Support Changes Everything
Why Emotional Support and Mindset Matter More Than We Think
When someone receives a cancer diagnosis, the focus often turns immediately to medical treatment. But research continues to show that emotional support and a positive outlook can play a powerful role in long-term well-being and healing.
A study published in Psycho-oncology (2010) found that cancer survivors who received strong emotional support within three months of diagnosis experienced greater emotional health and post-traumatic growth even eight years later. The takeaway? Early support helps people make sense of their experience and fosters healing far beyond the treatment room.
Another study in Psychological Health (2016) revealed that patients with a generally positive disposition experienced less anxiety, depression, and impairment both at diagnosis and one year later. Their optimism didn’t deny the reality of illness—it helped them navigate it with more resilience.
Importantly, Psycho-oncology (2016) also emphasized the power of balance. Breast cancer patients who were able to “hold both hope and reality—expecting the best but preparing for the worst-” did better emotionally and functionally over time.
These studies all point to the same conclusion:
Positivity and meaningful support deeply impact how we experience cancer and how well we live through it.
Our ability to fight for life—to keep showing up with hope and purpose—comes from within, but it’s strengthened by faith, relationships, and the meaning we make in the face of suffering. It’s not about pretending everything is okay. It’s about walking through the valley with courage, supported and strengthened by those who walk with us.
Author- Dr. Sharon May
Psycho-oncology. (2010, January 19). Type of social support matters for prediction of post-traumatic growth among cancer survivors.
Psychological Health. (2016, May 31). Being positive despite illness: The contribution of positivity to the quality of life of cancer patients.
Psycho-oncology. (2016, August 25). Expecting the best and being prepared for the worst
Thriving Through the Storm
Thriving Through the Storm: The Beethoven Factor
Hearing the words “You have cancer,” and then, “You have Stage 4 cancer,” can feel like the ground has given way beneath you. It’s a shattering, disorienting moment—one that changes everything. The question becomes: how do you find your footing again? How do you not only get through this cancer journey, but truly live in the midst of it, flourish along the way, and—dare I say—become a deeper, stronger, more wholehearted version of yourself?
Let me share with you a story I return to often—one I find both grounding and inspiring.
Beethoven, the great composer, slowly lost his hearing. At one point, the weight of his deafness drove him to deep despair. He became withdrawn and depressed. But years later, something shifted. He didn’t just endure his suffering—he rose above it. He composed and conducted his breathtaking 9th Symphony, Ode to Joy, while completely deaf.
Yes, deaf.
And yet that music was bursting with joy. Because of the adversity he faced—and because of how he faced it—Beethoven discovered a deeper strength and a richer life. He wrote of finding no more room for self-pity, regret, or fear. He learned to embrace his life as it was and chose to find meaning, purpose, and even joy in the present moment.
This is what Dr. Paul Pearsall, a cancer survivor himself, called The Beethoven Factor. He believed that it’s not the pain, fear, or loss in life that defines us—it’s how we respond. It’s how we allow our adversity to shape us.
And that’s the key:
How do we let our pain refine us, grow us, and awaken us to live more intentionally?
What if, through the cancer journey, you could become more grounded, more compassionate, more alive to the beauty of the everyday? What if your life—as it is—could still be full of love, laughter, peace, and meaning?
You are not just surviving cancer. You are discovering who you are becoming because of it.
So take a deep breath. Feel your strength rise. Lean on others. Let joy and gratitude slip into your day, even in small moments. And keep showing up—as your truest, bravest, most resilient self.
This is how you thrive. This is the Beethoven Factor
Author- Dr. Sharon May
Pearsall, P. (2003). The Beethoven Factor: The New Positive Psychology of Hardiness, Healing, and Hope. Hampton Roads Publishing.
The Connection Between Cancer and Mental Health
When you hear the words “you have cancer,” your world is turned upside down. Everything changes—your body, your daily rhythm, your relationships, your responsibilities—and with that, your emotional and mental health can take a powerful blow. As a therapist and someone walking alongside many people facing life-impacting circumstances, I want to gently remind you: Your mental and emotional well-being matter. Greatly.
We often focus on the physical toll cancer takes—surgeries, treatments, fatigue—but cancer doesn’t just affect the body. It impacts your mind, your heart, your mood, your ability to cope, and your sense of identity. And that’s where we need to pause and pay attention.
In fact, the American Cancer Society reported that while the risk of dying from cancer has decreased over the past 30 years, the number of people diagnosed with cancer continues to rise. In 2024, over 2 million people in the U.S. were expected to be diagnosed with cancer—nearly 5,000 new diagnoses every day. So yes, cancer is more than just a medical issue. It’s a human experience, and it stirs everything inside of us.
You are not weak if you feel overwhelmed.
It’s completely understandable to feel fear, sadness, panic, confusion, or even anger. Life as you knew it has changed. You may grieve the life you had, feel uncertain about your future, and wonder how to keep going. The shock of the diagnosis, the fatigue from treatment, and the weight of loss—these things are real and valid.
That’s why it’s so important to care for your emotional and mental health. Your mind and body are connected, and what you feel emotionally will absolutely influence how you respond physically. If you’ve already struggled with anxiety or depression before your diagnosis, you may find those feelings amplified now. You’re not alone in this—and it’s okay to ask for support.
So what can help?
Let me share 8 meaningful practices recommended by Dr. Daniel Amen, a trusted voice in brain health, along with a few of my own additions:
- Challenge Your Negative Thoughts
Don’t believe every scary, negative thought about what might happen that runs through your mind. Ask yourself: Is this true? Is this helpful? Gently interrupt your doomsday spirals and look for a new perspective. Your thoughts shape how you feel—so let’s train them to be kind and wise.
- Tame Your Inner Dragons
Those fearful inner voices—the ones that tell you “you’re not enough” or “you won’t make it”—can roar loud. But you are allowed to speak back to them with truth, compassion, and courage. Name them. Face them. Then gently hush them. Replace them with beliefs and words of hope, courage and the love that can affirm your strength to get you through.
- Surround Yourself with Support
Having safe people around you—whether it’s a few close friends, a support group, or a community like Stage4Hope—makes a difference. We were created for connection. Don’t walk this road alone. Join us in one of our retreats or women’s groups where you can be encouraged and known.
- Keep Doing What Brings You Joy
Maybe it looks different now, but you can still write, paint, sing, bake, help someone else, or enjoy the simple beauty of a good book or warm tea. Purpose and joy are healing—keep reaching for them.
- Nourish Your Body Kindly
Eat well. Choose anti-inflammatory, life-giving foods. Stay hydrated. Limit sugar and alcohol. And—just as important—treat yourself now and then to something yummy that makes your heart smile. That’s nourishment too.
- Create Calming Rituals
Routines can ground us. Whether it’s a morning walk, a moment of prayer, deep breathing, reading Scripture, journaling, or putting sticky notes of hope around your room—these small acts can anchor you.
- Nurture Your Spiritual Life
This is a sacred time to reconnect with your Creator. Many people facing cancer find themselves longing for something deeper. Talk to God, ask your questions, reconnect with your sense of a higher power, let yourself be held by His love. He’s not afraid of your tears or doubts—He’s with you in it all.
- Keep Moving Forward
Even if it’s slow or small—keep going. Get out of bed. Stretch. Take a short walk. Movement lifts the fog. It releases feel-good chemicals. It reminds your body that you’re still here, still fighting, still living. Don’t underestimate its power.
Your mental health is not secondary. It’s essential.
It’s okay to feel broken at times. It’s okay to cry, to ask for help, to rest when the world feels too heavy. But I want you to also know: You can feel joy again. You can find beauty again. You can rise again.
Your quality of life is not just about how your body feels—it’s about how your heart is holding up. So give your mental health the care and space it deserves. Let your emotional well-being be part of your healing.
And remember, you are not alone. We’re here for you at Stage4Hope, ready to walk this journey with you.
Author- Dr. Sharon May
Stage4Hope
American Cancer Society. (2024). Cancer Facts & Figures.
Amen, D.G. (n.d.). Amen Clinics. https://www.amenclinics.com/
