Strength for the Journey

The Power of Friendship When Facing Cancer

When you’re walking through something as overwhelming as cancer, one of the most powerful lifelines you can hold onto is this: you don’t have to walk it alone.
I’m Dr. Sharon May with Stage4Hope, and I want to share two important truths backed by research—and rooted in real-life experience—that can bring you comfort and strength:

1. Good friends truly matter.
2. A positive mindset can make all the difference.

We already know that going through something difficult with a friend by your side makes it easier. But science now confirms this truth in a profound way. In Dr. James Coan’s research, people were given mild electric shocks—yes, you read that right!—but when they held the hand of someone they deeply cared about, the stress response in their brain significantly decreased. The pain was more bearable simply because someone they loved was there.

That’s the power of presence.

Another powerful study published in Psycho-oncology (2010) followed cancer survivors for eight years. They found that those who received meaningful emotional support just three months after their diagnosis experienced post-traumatic growth—they were better emotionally, mentally, and spiritually years later. Support doesn’t just help in the moment—it shapes how you move through your cancer journey and who you become on the other side.

So what does this mean for you? It means you need people. And they need you, too.

How to stay connected with friends during cancer?

• Reach out to two or three friends. Keep those friendships going. Be intentional. Let the conversation be mutual—yes, talk about your cancer journey, but also listen your friend’s everyday stories. Friendship flows both ways.
• Join a group. If you didn’t have many close connections at the start of your journey, it’s never too late. A support group creates a place to belong, to connect, and to share with people who understand. You can also begin by joining one of our virtual women’s retreats.  With gentle teaching and encouraging community you will find friendship and strength for your journey.
• Teach your friends how to walk this road with you. It’s okay to tell them what’s helpful and what’s not. Sometimes they won’t know what to say—help them out. You’ll learn together.
• Teach your family how to be there with you. This journey is difficult for both you and your family.  Your family will go between grief for you and grief for themselves.  Which means your spouse or children will, at times, struggle with their own emotions of fears, anger, depression, loss and grief.  And for certain your family will not always say the most comforting things nor be there the way you hope.   They will probably disappoint you leaving you hurt and maybe alone. Families are complicated, but now is the time to let go of resentment and small irritations.  Make an effort to be there for each other, one struggle at a time, one day at a time.   If it gets too complicated, reach out for professional help from a counselor or relationship coach.
• Keep being you. Cancer may be part of your story right now, but it is not the whole story. You are still you—funny, strong, sensitive, quirky, wise. Hold onto your identity and let it shine in your relationships.
• Stay connected to your world. You still have a family, a neighborhood, hobbies and routines. Keep participating in what makes life rich and meaningful. You have so much to give—and receive.
• Don’t isolate. This is the hardest part for some. But I gently encourage you: risk reaching out. Let someone be there for you. Hold someone’s hand—literally or figuratively. It truly makes a difference.

Reach out—we’d love to hear from you.

I’m cheering you on, friend. You are not alone. And here at Stage4Hope, we’re walking alongside you every step of the way.

If you’re looking for connection, encouragement, and growth, I invite you to join our upcoming women’s virtual retreat. It’s a time to rest, be renewed, and find community with other brave women walking their own journeys.

Author- Dr. Sharon May

The Importance of Social Support and Being Positive When Facing Cancer

• (2010, January 19). Type of social support matters for prediction of post-traumatic growth among cancer survivors.
• Coan, J.A., Schaefer, H.S., & Davidson, R.J. (2006). Lending a hand: Social regulation of the neural response to threat. Psychological Science.

Cancer and Mental Health: Coping Strategies, Support, and Hope

Cancer impacts more than the body—it affects mental and emotional health too. Learn practical ways to manage anxiety, build support, and protect your well-being during treatment and beyond.

When you hear the words “you have cancer,” your world is turned upside down. Everything changes—your body, your daily rhythm, your relationships, your responsibilities—and with that, your emotional and mental health can take a powerful blow.  As a therapist and someone walking alongside many people facing life-impacting circumstances, I want to gently remind you: Your mental and emotional well-being matter. Greatly.

We often focus on the physical toll cancer takes—surgeries, treatments, fatigue—but cancer doesn’t just affect the body. It impacts your mind, your heart, your mood, your ability to cope, and your sense of identity. And that’s where we need to pause and pay attention.

In fact, the American Cancer Society reported that while the risk of dying from cancer has decreased over the past 30 years, the number of people diagnosed with cancer continues to rise. In 2024, over 2 million people in the U.S. were expected to be diagnosed with cancer—nearly 5,000 new diagnoses every day. So yes, cancer is more than just a medical issue. It’s a human experience, and it stirs everything inside of us.

You are not weak if you feel overwhelmed.

It’s completely understandable to feel fear, sadness, panic, confusion, or even anger. Life as you knew it has changed. You may grieve the life you had, feel uncertain about your future, and wonder how to keep going. The shock of the diagnosis, the fatigue from treatment, and the weight of loss—these things are real and valid.

That’s why it’s so important to care for your emotional and mental health. Your mind and body are connected, and what you feel emotionally will absolutely influence how you respond physically. If you’ve already struggled with anxiety or depression before your diagnosis, you may find those feelings amplified now. You’re not alone in this—and it’s okay to ask for support.

8 Practical Ways to Protect Your Mental Health During Cancer

Let me share 8 meaningful practices recommended by Dr. Daniel Amen, a trusted voice in brain health, along with a few of my own additions:

1. Challenge Your Negative Thoughts

Don’t believe every scary, negative thought about what might happen that runs through your mind. Ask yourself: Is this true? Is this helpful? Gently interrupt your doomsday spirals and look for a new perspective. Your thoughts shape how you feel—so let’s train them to be kind and wise.

2. Tame Your Inner Dragons

Those fearful inner voices—the ones that tell you “you’re not enough” or “you won’t make it”—can roar loud. But you are allowed to speak back to them with truth, compassion, and courage. Name them. Face them. Then gently hush them.  Replace them with beliefs and words of hope, courage and the love that can affirm your strength to get you through.

3. Surround Yourself with Support

Having safe people around you—whether it’s a few close friends, a support group, or a community like Stage4Hope—makes a difference. We were created for connection. Don’t walk this road alone. Join us in one of our retreats or women’s groups where you can be encouraged and known.

4. Keep Doing What Brings You Joy

Maybe it looks different now, but you can still write, paint, sing, bake, help someone else, or enjoy the simple beauty of a good book or warm tea. Purpose and joy are healing—keep reaching for them.

5. Nourish Your Body Kindly

Eat well. Choose anti-inflammatory, life-giving foods. Stay hydrated. Limit sugar and alcohol. And—just as important—treat yourself now and then to something yummy that makes your heart smile. That’s nourishment too.

6. Create Calming Rituals

Routines can ground us. Whether it’s a morning walk, a moment of prayer, deep breathing, reading Scripture, journaling, or putting sticky notes of hope around your room—these small acts can anchor you.

7. Nurture Your Spiritual Life

This is a sacred time to reconnect with your Creator. Many people facing cancer find themselves longing for something deeper. Talk to God, ask your questions, reconnect with your sense of a higher power, let yourself be held by His love. He’s not afraid of your tears or doubts—He’s with you in it all.

8. Keep Moving Forward

Even if it’s slow or small—keep going. Get out of bed. Stretch. Take a short walk. Movement lifts the fog. It releases feel-good chemicals. It reminds your body that you’re still here, still fighting, still living. Don’t underestimate its power.

Your mental health is not secondary. It’s essential.

It’s okay to feel broken at times. It’s okay to cry, to ask for help, to rest when the world feels too heavy. But I want you to also know: You can feel joy again. You can find beauty again. You can rise again.

Your quality of life is not just about how your body feels—it’s about how your heart is holding up. So give your mental health the care and space it deserves. Let your emotional well-being be part of your healing.

And remember, you are not alone. We’re here for you at Stage4Hope, ready to walk this journey with you. Learn more about topics like cancer and mental health, along with other important aspects of living with Stage 4 cancer. Become a member of our community to gain access to trusted resources, online support and education from Dr. Sharon May, Ph.D., LMFT, medical updates, and invitations to supportive virtual gatherings.

Author- Dr. Sharon May 
Stage4Hope

• American Cancer Society. (2024). Cancer Facts & Figures.
• Amen, D.G. (n.d.). Amen Clinics. https://www.amenclinics.com/

Emotional Support & Resilience

Receiving a cancer diagnosis is life-changing. It can feel like the ground beneath you has shifted, leaving you overwhelmed, afraid, and uncertain about the future. Whether you’re newly diagnosed, undergoing treatment, or navigating life after treatment, coping with cancer is a deeply personal and ongoing journey.

While no two experiences are the same, there are universal strategies and tools that can help you regain a sense of control, hope, and emotional resilience. This guide offers supportive, actionable steps to help you cope with cancer in a way that honors your emotions, your body, and your story.

1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Emotions

One of the first steps in coping with cancer is acknowledging your emotional response. Fear, anger, sadness, confusion, and even guilt are all common reactions. These emotions can come in waves or appear without warning. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed—there is no “right” way to respond.

Try this:

● Keep a journal to explore your thoughts and name your emotions.

● Speak kindly to yourself. Say, “I’m feeling afraid right now,” rather than “I shouldn’t feel this way.”

● Practice gentle affirmations: “It’s okay to feel what I feel. I am doing my best.”

Recognizing your emotional landscape helps you move through it with more compassion and less shame.

2. Build a Support System That Works for You

Coping with cancer is not something you have to do alone. Let people help you in ways that feel safe and meaningful. Support can take different forms for everyone—some need practical help, others require a quiet presence, and some need professional guidance.

Support ideas:

● Join an in-person or virtual cancer support group.

● Choose one trusted person to relay medical updates to others.

● Work with a therapist who specializes in chronic illness or grief.

Having a support system in place can reduce feelings of isolation and remind you that you are not alone.

3. Focus on What You Can Control

Cancer can leave you feeling powerless. While you may not have control over your diagnosis or treatment plan, you can make choices about how you manage each day. Shifting focus to what’s within your control can restore a sense of agency.

You might choose to:

● Decide who you share your diagnosis with and when.

● Set limits with people who increase stress or make unhelpful comments.

● Maintain small routines that nourish you, like eating well, resting, or taking a gentle walk.

Small decisions can make a big difference in how you experience each day.

4. Take Care of Your Whole Self

Coping with cancer goes beyond the physical—it also involves caring for your emotional, mental, and spiritual self. Whether you lean into creativity, spirituality, or stillness, give yourself permission to care for your whole being.

Ideas to explore:

● Practice meditation, deep breathing, or gentle yoga.

● Express yourself through painting, journaling, or music.

● Spend time in nature or with animals, if that soothes you.

● Reflect on or engage in your spiritual or religious practices.

Self-care doesn’t have to be elaborate. It’s about honoring what helps you feel most like you.

5. Make Space for Joy and Meaning

Yes, even amid cancer, moments of joy, beauty, and meaning can still emerge. These moments don’t erase the pain—they coexist with it, offering light in the dark.

Notice or create:

● Simple joys like a warm cup of tea, sunlight on your skin, or a favorite show.

● Creative projects, such as writing letters, scrapbooking, or making art.

● Opportunities to reflect on your values and what matters most to you. Finding meaning can be part of the healing process—not because everything happens for a reason, but because you can create your own purpose through connection, creativity, and presence.

6. Ask for and Accept Help—Without Guilt

Many people find it challenging to ask for help, especially when they’re accustomed to being independent or caregivers themselves. But part of coping with cancer is learning to receive support without guilt. People want to help. Let them.

Try saying:

● “Yes, that would be really helpful, thank you.”

● “I’m not sure what I need, but I appreciate you being here.”

● “I need to rest right now—can we talk later?”

Letting others in isn’t a burden; it’s a bridge to deeper connection and relief.

7. Seek Professional Support That Resonates with You

You don’t need to be in crisis to benefit from therapy. In fact, many people find therapy to be one of their most powerful tools for coping with cancer. Whether you’re processing grief, facing fear, or navigating identity changes, having a professional to walk beside you can offer clarity and comfort.

Therapeutic options include:

● Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): For managing anxiety and negative thought patterns.

● Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): To help you accept what’s out of your control while committing to actions that align with your values.

● EMDR Therapy: Especially helpful if the trauma of diagnosis or treatment lingers.

● Supportive Counseling: A safe space to talk openly and receive compassion.

Many therapists specialize in working with people experiencing medical trauma, chronic illness, or grief—look for someone who gets it.

Final Thoughts: You Are Not Alone

Coping with cancer is hard, and there’s no perfect roadmap. Some days will feel okay. Others may find it unbearable. But you don’t have to go through it alone, and you don’t have to do it all at once.

You are allowed to feel your feelings, ask for help, take breaks, laugh, cry, and everything in between. You are still you—whole and worthy—no matter what this diagnosis tries to take away.

Healing isn’t linear, and progress can be messy. But there is strength in vulnerability, hope in connection, and resilience in simply continuing forward.

If you or someone you love is coping with cancer, reach out for support, for care, for someone to walk with you. You are doing incredibly brave things—one day, one moment, one breath at a time.

Need someone to talk to?

Whether you’re in active treatment or recovery, therapy can provide a stable foundation for processing your journey. Reach out today—we’re here for you. Towler Counseling LLC: www.towler-counseling.com

Author- Tara Towler Cumby LPC CPCS CMAC