When you’re walking through something as overwhelming as cancer, one of the most powerful lifelines you can hold onto is this: you don’t have to walk it alone.
I’m Dr. Sharon May with Stage4Hope, and I want to share two important truths backed by research—and rooted in real-life experience—that can bring you comfort and strength:
- Good friends truly matter.
- A positive mindset can make all the difference.
We already know that going through something difficult with a friend by your side makes it easier. But science now confirms this truth in a profound way. In Dr. James Coan’s research, people were given mild electric shocks—yes, you read that right!—but when they held the hand of someone they deeply cared about, the stress response in their brain significantly decreased. The pain was more bearable simply because someone they loved was there.
That’s the power of presence.
Another powerful study published in Psycho-oncology (2010) followed cancer survivors for eight years. They found that those who received meaningful emotional support just three months after their diagnosis experienced post-traumatic growth—they were better emotionally, mentally, and spiritually years later. Support doesn’t just help in the moment—it shapes how you move through your cancer journey and who you become on the other side.
So what does this mean for you?
It means you need people. And they need you, too.
Here are a few thoughts I hope will encourage you:
- Reach out to two or three friends. Keep those friendships going. Be intentional. Let the conversation be mutual—yes, talk about your cancer journey, but also listen your friend’s everyday stories. Friendship flows both ways.
- Join a group. If you didn’t have many close connections at the start of your journey, it’s never too late. A support group creates a place to belong, to connect, and to share with people who understand. You can also begin by joining one of our virtual women’s retreats. With gentle teaching and encouraging community you will find friendship and strength for your journey.
- Teach your friends how to walk this road with you. It’s okay to tell them what’s helpful and what’s not. Sometimes they won’t know what to say—help them out. You’ll learn together.
- Teach your family how to be there with you. This journey is difficult for both you and your family. Your family will go between grief for you and grief for themselves. Which means your spouse or children will, at times, struggle with their own emotions of fears, anger, depression, loss and grief. And for certain your family will not always say the most comforting things nor be there the way you hope. They will probably disappoint you leaving you hurt and maybe alone. Families are complicated, but now is the time to let go of resentment and small irritations. Make an effort to be there for each other, one struggle at a time, one day at a time. If it gets too complicated, reach out for professional help from a counselor or relationship coach.
- Keep being you. Cancer may be part of your story right now, but it is not the whole story. You are still you—funny, strong, sensitive, quirky, wise. Hold onto your identity and let it shine in your relationships.
- Stay connected to your world. You still have a family, a neighborhood, hobbies and routines. Keep participating in what makes life rich and meaningful. You have so much to give—and receive.
- Don’t isolate. This is the hardest part for some. But I gently encourage you: risk reaching out. Let someone be there for you. Hold someone’s hand—literally or figuratively. It truly makes a difference.
I’m cheering you on, friend. You are not alone. And here at Stage4Hope, we’re walking alongside you every step of the way.
If you’re looking for connection, encouragement, and growth, I invite you to join our upcoming women’s virtual retreat. It’s a time to rest, be renewed, and find community with other brave women walking their own journeys.
Reach out—we’d love to hear from you.
Author- Dr. Sharon May
The Importance of Social Support and Being Positive When Facing Cancer
- (2010, January 19). Type of social support matters for prediction of post-traumatic growth among cancer survivors.
- Coan, J.A., Schaefer, H.S., & Davidson, R.J. (2006). Lending a hand: Social regulation of the neural response to threat. Psychological Science.
